Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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