Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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