apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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