Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
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to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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