three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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