you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize