"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
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what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
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I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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