Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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