Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
FUCK WHALES
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