You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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