omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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