4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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