I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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