yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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