Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize