I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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