saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
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you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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