have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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