hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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