I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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