can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
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my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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