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I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
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