Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
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I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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