Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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