Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
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So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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