I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize