The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
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theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
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Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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