I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
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I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
God, I missed his penis.
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