Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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