Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he puts the penis in happiness.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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