the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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