my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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