Your face is a jimmy john
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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