a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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