someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize