had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize