I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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