wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I smell stomach acid.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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