Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
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Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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