I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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