Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize