you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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