Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
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he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
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She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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