I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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