and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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