So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
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please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
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Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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