I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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