I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I still have a little drunk in my system
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The power of my boobs compel you
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize