After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize