the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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